


My Mind Repeats The Scene

by YouHateInvisiblePie



Series: RvB Angst War [4]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, RvB Angst War, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 15:56:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11211348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouHateInvisiblePie/pseuds/YouHateInvisiblePie
Summary: This is all that exists.Existence is pain.It never stops hurting.I cry out his name."Caboose! No!"Written for the RvB Angst War





	My Mind Repeats The Scene

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GKingOfFez](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GKingOfFez/gifts).



"Caboose! No!" I stare, disbelieving as Caboose collapses. "He's not moving." I say, waiting for Tucker to correct me and tell me that I am wrong. That I'm being overdramatic. That Caboose is going to be fine.

Caboose doesn't move though.  
I am frozen.  
Tucker says nothing.

A nightmare, I reason with myself. This isn't happening. This _can't_ be happening. If I just wait a few seconds I'll wake up and everything will be alright.

I wait.  
Nothing happens.  
I shoot Wyoming.  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤  
"Glad we could help. I'm sure if you give us enough time we'll just..."  
Wait. I said this already.  
"kill ourselves."  
What the fuck just happened?  
"Save you some ammo."  
I don't care. This is my second chance. I can save him! I know what comes next. I can prevent it. All I have to do is -

"Church! I am coming to help! Don't start without me!"

Once more Caboose is shot by the tank.

"Caboose! No!" Not again. I can't just watch him die again.

As fast as my legs will carry me, I rush to his side. I'm too late. I barely register that I have raised the sniper rifle before I've fired.  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤  
"makes your defeat and humiliation so much easier."

Third times the charm, right?  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤  
"If it makes you feel any better your death is for a very noble cause."

But is his? His seems senseless. Unnecessary for any purpose exept to torment me.  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤  
The sixth time through the loop I shoot Wyoming before he gets the chance to kill Caboose. A breath of relief falls from my lips.

I did it! I saved him! I -  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤  
"I'm sure if you give us enough time we'll just kill ourselves."  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤  
It doesn't get any easier. I cry out for him every time.

It doesn't take long to loose track of the number of times I've experienced this hellish never-ending event.

I thought at first it was a miracle, that I could save him. Now I know just how wrong I was. This is hell and I have been eternally damned, forced to watch my lover die over and over again, nothing I do ever effecting the outcome.

Caboose is dead and my will to keep fighting dies with him every time.

Endlessly I shoot Wyoming, but my revenge only ever lasts a moment before the torturous cycle begins again.

If only I hadn't radioed Caboose for help. Then he wouldn't have come running in to save the day. What had I been thinking? What was I expecting to happen? Clearly this is the only way this can end. That much is obvious. But what if I never called him? He probably would have survived. I never go back far enough to fix that though. Of course not. That might imply that the universe had any mercy at all.

This is all that exists.  
Existence is pain.  
It never stops hurting.  
I cry out his name.  
"Caboose! No!"  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤  
"You know I really can't thank you enough for leaving your tank completely unattended."

I have memorized every word. I know exactly what everyone is going to say.

"What? How did we get here? What?" Tucker asks, looking around.

Well, that was different. "What's wrong with you?" I ask Tucker. You aren't supposed to be speaking now.

"With me? What's happening?"

"Umm... we're being held prisioner. Where the hell have you been?" I say the words and am uncertain if I am referring to now or the past hundred times.

"I think he knows," the tank tells the freelancer.

Tucker knowing changes nothing. Caboose still dies. I shoot Wyoming and for Tucker's sake I act surprised, like I haven't done this a thousand times and _never_ missed.  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤  
"Church, don't you remember any of this?" Tucker asks.

I remember all of it! Every. Single. Fucking. Time.

This time Caboose gets shot with a sniper rifle.

"Aww crap," Tucker says, not sounding nearly as upset at the death of the rookie as he should.

"What do you mean aww crap? Caboose just got killed!"

"Yeah, I know, but I'm pretty sure it's okay."

I want to shout at Tucker that _nothing_ about this is okay, but instead I let him ramble on as I fight back tears.

"I don't know how but every time he gets hurt things just start-"  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤  
"Yeah, well great, glad we could help. I'm sure if you give us enough time we'll just kill ourselves. Save you some ammo."

This time around Tucker shoots at Caboose and drives him off.

"Okay, bye. I don't want to help anymore."

I can hardly believe it. Tucker saved Caboose.

I follow Tucker in a haze, not really taking in a word he says.

He saved Caboose. The bastard only remembers looping a handful of times and managed to do what I couldn't achieve seemingly hundreds of times.

He did it by sending Caboose away. Something that I was too selfish to do. And because of my actions he died. Not once did I send him away. Each time I let him run to me and to his death.

If you love someone then let them go. So that's what I'm going to do.

His face lights up as I walk his way and it breaks my heart. Well I can't actually see his smile, but I can tell from his posture that he is beaming. I'm glad that I can't see it, because it would make what I'm about to say so much harder. I wish I could see that smile one last time, but that is me being selfish again, and this isn't about me. It's about him.

"Hi Church!" Caboose throws out his arms to embrace me in a hug.

"No."

His arms drop down as his head tilts to the side. "But I want to give you, my boyfriend, a hug."

"I'm not your boyfriend."

"Don't be silly, of course you are. You are Church my b-"

"No! I'm not your boyfriend, your best friend, or anything to you! Just like how you are _nothing_ to me!"

"I-I don't understand," he wimpers.

"That's because you're an idiot."

 

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt from gkingoffez was:  
> Churboose - Church can remember every single time Wyoming killed Caboose (at the end of season 5), but he pretends he doesn't.  
> [The episode is "Same Old, Same Old"]
> 
>  
> 
> The title comes from the song "Armed and Ready" by Jeff Williams.
> 
> This is not a dream  
> My mind repeats the scene  
> I can't forget it and it's torture
> 
>  
> 
> I am my-nerdy-shiny-self over on tumblr if anyone is interested in sending me prompts.


End file.
